two month look back...

Sunday morning tears fell upon my cheeks, because as I entered into church it was as though God was entering into my mess. He was entering into the sadness, the loosening threads, the breaking. And I'll be honest, it's been pretty rough. But this time around, I have found myself stealing away for moments by His side. I have relinquished the need to fashion myself to something fleeting, and relished time with Him that is lasting.

Sunday morning worship consisted of two songs that I have clung to this past year. Songs that have stolen the words from my mouth and inexplicable feelings of walking upon the water and embracing the call of the unfamiliar. Songs that have carried me in the unknown and gently reminded me that in the midst of the mess, in the midst of being lost again Stateside, that it really is well.

My heart still reels from the goodbyes, and I'm on the other side. And what that tells me is, that when people gawk at my life, at this choice of mine (this choice that chose me) God had this planned from day one.

He knew that my life would be turned upside down with one step into Mexico. He knew that my pigtails and my stumbling Spanish vocabulary would be enough for the children and that they would become the more that my heart always, always desired.

And I'm here, I'm here again, confident that Morelia, Mexico is the home that my heart has always sought after. It's the more that I begged God for when I was a sophomore in high school.

And you know what? 

I had life planned out. I had wrapped it up into a beautiful box of my own doing. I knew the timeline. I had the picture of my home in the back of my mind and I was ready. Right out of college, I just knew that it was time. God was going to take me to the Baja and that's where I would spend forever.

But there was something wrong with that, because my perfect was never His perfect. My ready was never His sense of ready. Where I saw confidence, He saw a quaking spirit that needed, begged for love. Where I saw sure footing, He saw trembling knees. Time would stand still and I would just wonder if all was lost. I would just wonder if that day would ever come.

And oh child, that day came and went. My idea of perfection walked out just as easily as it came in and I, I had no idea what to do, nor where to go.

But that's when a paragraph stole my attention and challenged me to move.

I had fallen for the idea of waiting on Him. I had fell into the trap of thinking that my idea was as good as His.

And then…I walked into a house with bright-pink walls. I curled up in a bed surrounded by a world of unknowns and a family that I was about to call my own for a few months. My heart quickly became full and I had this feeling that NOE would be more than a three month stop on my journey…that assurance was something that was felt my first night.

Three months turned into seven and then into this past year and now I'm finishing up my time Stateside once again, and getting ready to journey back to love on my students and to be used up for love's cause in Morelia, Mexico.

And dear ones, it's really not a testament to my braveness. It's really not a testament to my craziness. What it does tell you is that if your willingness turns into full surrender then He will take you to your NOE, He will take you to your Morelia. 

Life won't be exempt from its challenges, nor from heartache, but you will walk in the assurance of that which you were called. And I don't really think there is anything more beautiful on this side of Heaven. 

I have seven hundred students that open their hearts to me. I have seven classes that let me teach them fumbling through the English language.

I have been blessed to the brim and my life from this point on is to return the blessing. These dear students deserve to know that they are worth it and I will live the rest of my life being spent for this cause.

I just lack 140 dollars from reaching my monthly goal. Join the journey by following this link and looking for MAIN:
http://www.onlinecfc.com/give

Or you can mail your donations, with my name on the memo line of your check to:
CFC
4100 Millersburg Road
Evansville, IN 47725

Here's a glimpse at NOE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qp_XCH6w92U