Saturday, February 18, 2012

come closer

"know that something softer than us but just as holy planted the pieces of Himself into our feet 
that we might one day find our way back to Him. 
you are almost home.
                                                             come closer come into this. 
there are birds beating their wings beneath your breastplate,
 gentle sparrows aching to sing come aching hearts,
 come soldiers of joy doormen of truth, come true of heart come into this."
Anis Mojgani

So, I know, I know this blog post is surely long overdue! I haven't really been able to master the art of busyness here yet. My last post was chock full of statistics and all of those numbers have been my life these past few weeks. It's amazing to think that I have already been here a month, the month anniversary actually passed me by without notice, until someone told me so.

So what have I been doing, how is this heart of mine feeling? Questions, upon questions- I'm sure you need answered, and are definitely deserving to know.

My classes have been keeping me busy and are a constant challenge for me. My highest level, the orange book students, just took a chapter test and it's time for the mid book test- which normally gives us all a little insight to where they stand to finish. I'll admit to you, my heart has been torn with worries for all of them this week. I have been wracking my heart and brain as to how I can convey five chapters of concepts in the easiest form possible, and trying my hardest to ease the worries that I see sitting beneath their eyes.

But God has just been reminding me that I really don't have any control over the results, that I can spend myself on their behalf, and yet, some will still be facing the difficulty and fears of failure. So these past few weeks, have been weeks of learning and remembering how much I need to surrender to my Maker.

In all things.

He has been reminding me of what it is like to have a heart be refined and tested, helping me remember and hold onto the hope that beauty still does exist even in such times.

I have had moments when I have been able to be poured out for my precious students and friends, and I am praying for more of such moments. Because what it all comes down to is that. I'm here for God to use me and use me up, all for love's cause.

I'm still brimming with joy and I'm still very much overwhelmed. There are sweet bouts of beauty that my eyes stumble upon constantly- that of my youngest sister singing her heart out in praise, that of three sisters laying in a bed, with High School Musical playing on a rainy, rainy day, that of five friends sitting around a table for hours, losing ourselves as we tell our stories of heartache and joy, that of me with six ten year old boys spending our Valentine's Day class together, laughing at pronunciations on every side.

I have these moments when I feel so much love, that my heart feels as though it could burst, and it's then I know that I shouldn't be anywhere else, that this is indeed where He has called me, for such a time as this, and truly, with all of me, that this is where my sweet, Beautiful Savior, desires me to be...

 for a lifetime.

Yes, yes, this is right where I need to be.