Sunday, July 31, 2011

small beginnings.

“Don’t despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin,”
Zechariah 4:10.

So if I have learned anything in the past nine days living here in Vicente Guerrero, Baja California, Mexico. . . It would be that God always shows up.

He shows up even in the places, where I think surely He isn’t, or even when doubts seep in and invade my heart, telling me that maybe I am not supposed to be here-that maybe I am not capable of everything I had dreamed for this place. See this isn’t some flippant decision to come here, those of you that know me, know that this has been upon my heart for years, years.

I say all this to admit, there was a struggle with this move. I still can’t truly peg the source, and suppose it to be the transition of leaving [the part of this life I have come to know so well] Morelia. I left more of me there, than I had expected.

Truthfully, I am having to relearn the art of being exactly where I am, the art of fully, being present. God in His mercy and goodness, brought me here. The same God that saw me into Morelia, is seeing me into this very place, the Baja.

In the little over week that we’ve been here, we’ve been surrounded and immersed into the lives, many like our own, brought from the States, and taken with the people who know this as home. They’ve advised us, comforted us, protected us, encouraged us-giving us the purest welcome anyone could ever ask for. We’ve learned from their success, their starts, and at times, even their disappointments.

We’ve seen a septic tank overflowing, our car being broken into, and the ideas of two single women begin to come to fruition. I can proudly say in this moment, that I believe, I finally am all here. I had my moments in the beginning; I still miss my students in Morelia, like crazy. Yet, I couldn’t bear to be here for three months, and not allow my heart to live here, fully, utterly and completely. To love, with all of me. To reach out and take hands, to hold the mothers and the children.

The Spanish confidence tends to still lack, but where I am weak, He is incredibly strong. The love for Morelia hasn’t weakened, but I can’t allow it to take hold of me either. God is allowing me to live out my dream here in the Baja, and it has challenges I would never have seen to rise up, but He is allowing me to live out my dream. He is encouraging me through His people, both my roommate Karly, and those that I love that are so faraway. He is encouraging me through His words, “Don’t despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin,” Zechariah 4:10. He is encouraging me through song, Un Viaje Largo, by Marcela Gandara:

A sido largo el viaje pero al fin llegue,
La luz llego a mis ojos aunque lo dude,
Fueron muchos valles de inseguridad,
Los que cruze,
Fueron muchos dias de tanto dudar, pero
Al fin llegue, llegue a entender...

Que para esta hora he llegado,
Para este tiempo naci,
En sus propositos eternos yo me vi,
Para esta hora he llegado,
Aunque me ha costado creer,
Entre sus planes para hoy me encontre.
[ Lyrics from: ]
Y nunca imagine que dentro de su amor,
Y dentro de sus planes me encotrara yo,
Fueron muchas veces que la timidez,
Me lo impidio,
Fuero muchos dias de tanto dudar,
Pero al fin llegue, y a entender...

Que para esta hora he llegado,
A este tiempo naci,
En sus propositos eternos yo me vi,
Para esta hora he llegado,
Aunque me ha costado creer,
Entre sus planes para hoy me encontre.

Que para esta hora he llegado,
A este tiempo naci,
En sus propositos eternos yo me vi,
Para esta hora he llegado,
Aunque me ha costado creer,
Entre sus planes para hoy me encontre.

Ah sido largo el viaje pero al fin llegue.

I look back at the many places He has taken me, the many homes I have come to know globally, and locally. The people I have come to know as a family. I’m amazed. He’s given me the life of a vagabond, a life this girl years ago, would have never dared to dream. Years ago, speaking was a task that was done barely above a whisper, in my native language. And here He has brought me to a foreign country for the second time, in just a matter of weeks, and I am placed here to attempt to speak an altogether different language. What a feat, that He has brought me through. What works that He has done, and yet to do. I’m just a girl, that was called to so much more. A girl that has seen goodbyes become frequent, not saying that they’ve ever become easier. Although a girl, with a heart big enough to hold all of her homes, simultaneously, the distance holding no importance. A girl, who will set out to live fully present, for the days to come.

Friday, July 22, 2011

He believed and believes in ME.

What a week, that has absolutely flown in front of my eyes, I cannot form the words to possibly portray everything as it has transpired, nor do I have the energy to recite every detail. Although, I know that you all deserve to hear the bits and pieces.

I flew to San Diego and met up with the rest of my group from various states [all intertwined for the same mission,with the same love for the Baja's beautiful people]. This week has been spent doing everything that normally happens: clinics, Bible classes, construction, and most importantly loving on the dear children and people.

I have loved the eyes lighting up as I tell the children, that we don't have to say goodbye, this time. I have loved being able to sit without pondering the inevitable van ride home. I have loved the better understanding for the language, that I have come to develop over time.

And sure, I have had my moments of being absolutely overwhelmed. Which I believe it is all due to the major transitions I have made within just a few weeks time. Learning to love Morelia, only to leave, returning home for two weeks, to leave, and then coming to the Baja, and watching the family I have come to love on these trips pray over me and leave me behind.

Sadly, pictures can't be uploaded from here, so check out my Facebook to see the faces to match my stories.
[now and in the future].

And here I am, on the other side, giving thanks to my Father in Heaven, who believed in me, with this dream. A dream, six years old, is now being lived out in me, I am blessed.

Donations can be made here:

Friday, July 8, 2011

This one is for you and me...

"I have come to believe that we do not walk alone in this life. There are others, fellow sojourners, whose journeys are interwoven with ours in seemingly random patterns, yet, in the end, have been carefully placed to reveal a remarkable tapestry. I believe God is the weaver at that loom." Richard Paul Evans.

Truth is, we were just avoiding goodbyes,

accompanied by silence and our broken sighs.

Five, then four, quickly became three,

and it began to take all of me--

to hold it all in,

beneath my thick skin. . .

And you said, it was time,

walking together, we went,

hearts already spent.

We stood in that same place,

tears streaming down, leaving their trace.

Holding on, not letting go.

Begging for Your very presence to be bestowed.

Face in hands, trying to understand.

All but having to walk away...

knowing the longer we spent; the longer we'd stay.

Leaving another goodbye, for the next,

tears began falling, like all the rest.

A couple minutes passed,

and they were the last.

The door opened to close, behind the both of you,

and the sobs began to come, it was all I could do.

And just like that, I was left with two more goodbyes,

and heavily swollen eyes.

A week has passed,

and the missing still outlasts.

But I'm carrying you in my heart everyday,

and that is precisely where you will always stay.

A part of my heart belongs to you, it's true.

God used you to open my eyes...

find beauty and joy in place of my questioning why's.

I didn't know such a love exists-

for me to have and to hold.

Thankfully, I heeded the call and didn't resist-

or I would've never known such a love, to break the mold.