Wednesday, November 23, 2011

my heart is overwhelmed

God takes me by surprise every single day. 
I spoke at a friend's church last week and right before I was praying that His will would be done, 
and His words would be spoken- 
He gave me a glimpse into the past, something I had never, ever considered. 

When I was a sophomore in high school I went to a fall retreat centered around the word MORE:
The last night I felt compelled to pray with a leader; he asked me what I wanted to pray about. . . 
and all I could say was "I want to do more for Him, I want to be something more." 

I went to Mexico for the first time, my sophomore year in high school. 
Mexico turned out to be my something more. 
That memory was all but forgotten until a week ago. 

I casually look back to a year ago, and all the memories then stowed.

I see a girl that had to let go of someone dear, in spite of the pain ravished upon her heart and soul.
Just a girl who refused to give up, lay down; in the midst of days spent in torrents of tears.

I look back on that October, just a year ago, when the application was sent in, after reading a few hundred words in a book. Then there were those months leading up to March, wondering what on Earth was I thinking? How could my wounded heart manage? How could I muster up the courage?


But it was never I. It was never about me. It was always Him and what He could and would accomplish.

Because it was Him, who caught my eyes in that book; it was Him who spurred me to apply.

He knew that I was made for Morelia, even after all of me was surely convinced the Baja- was always where I would be.

I boarded that plane March 23rd and I was looking back. I was afraid. The Holy Spirit was interceding for me in prayer, because the words just wouldn't come.

My flight landed. I was picked up and taken to meet my family for the next three months.

I walked in and something overcame me. I just knew that I was home.

That night, I sent my best friend a text message telling her that I knew I was going to be okay, that I knew I was home.

I didn't know on March 23rd that I would fall in love with a place and people so unknown to me. I didn't know that an ease would come with the language, I fought for so long to learn. I didn't know that those goodbyes, three months later, would be some of the hardest goodbyes I would ever make.

But my God knew.

He knew boarding that plane would forever change me. He knew that my wounded, empty heart, still reeling from someone lost, would come to finally realize He was and is, truly all I ever need.

Those three months of pure joy would turn into a couple of months spent in the desert. My heart would fail me. I'd get caught up in me, again. I'd miss that He was beside me, His hands waiting to take mine.

But I'd find hope. He would renew what was lost, rekindle the flame.

He'd use people to wash away the wounds of words. He'd use beautiful friends to take me in for a time, resume loving and living as if years hadn't passed. He'd use a church in Texas to speak life over me, many times over-placing me in the center, pouring their hearts out in prayer.

He'd provide continually-showing up in t-shirt money with letters showering me in support. He'd spur an idea in a friend for a craft show, putting me well on my way to Morelia for sixth months or more.

He is providing and I am just a daughter, awestruck at how blessed I am.

Simply put, my heart is overwhelmed. . .

So here I am, hopeful and grateful-welcoming Thanksgiving...with this mess of words.

I am thankful for you, today. You've sat with me in silence. You've spoken life over me. You've prayed for me. You've read my heart in words, time and again. You've supported me. You've challenged me.

You've loved me.

And there are many, many times when love is all that is needed.

Praise be to our God, who creates us to be something more, who makes our hearts come alive with passion, who sets us apart.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

home is wherever I'm with you

...and what she understood is that all the forces were love 
and that she was the opposite of lonely. 
This could be enough, she realized, this kind of being together. 
In spite of all her longing, this could be enough...”

I have a heart with many homes. 

I relish the people He has so gracefully placed in my life, in the time that He gives them to me, to love. 
I think of the lonely hearts; and sadly, I think that so often defines me. 

Until, He takes me to my many homes, in His time, and He gently shows me love. He shows me that the truest friends and loves of your life will pick up as though no time at all has passed. 

They will love you. They will hold you. 
You will love them. You will hold them. 

Your eyes will fill up at the hurts experienced out of their love. And they for you. 

You will stumble into an ease of giggles at the smallest of things. 

Your heart will beat to a new beat, because in that moment you are somewhere you know, you are known. 

I'll have to catch my breath, and so will you. At the lengths, the depths, the very heights our Maker has taken us, at the very thought that He placed you in my life for a season and me in your's.

Our eyes will meet and we'll know that without a doubt, we are loved. 
In this moment together, in the one to come apart. 

We'll linger in the moments, we have been given. 

We'll know that we are not alone. 

We will place these sweet, beautiful moments into our heart's pockets for keeps, 
because that is where they should be. 

Carried within us- for those days when the weary heart of your's and mine, can't seem to find the courage to get out of bed, and face the day. When the light seems to be dimmer and hope seems a little lost:

We'll remember that the grace of our God is enough. 
We'll remember that He redeems the weary and the lonely days, the lost and the struggling-
that He redeems the irredeemable. 
We'll remember that we do belong together. 

And His faithfulness will always prevail, by the grace of my God you and I will never, ever be alone. We will walk this road together, in light of His goodness and truth shown. 

I'll love you when you are with me and when we're apart, because you will always, always have a piece of my heart.