Saturday, June 16, 2012

nine months.

"Life isn’t about “arriving” and if I think it is, 

I’ll always be disappointed."

"This has been the greatest realization of my life: 
I can do it all, but I don’t have to do it all right now."

"You are more than dust & bones. You are spirit & power & image of God. 
And you have been given today" -Shauna Niequist

Nine months of this past year have been spent in Mexico.

I love the life of a nomad, being in the unfamiliar.

I love the life of this language that falls beautifully off  the tongue, even with my scattered stumbling.

I love that without a doubt I know, that God created me for this country of dark-eyed candied children, families with open hearts and open homes.

I love the life of a heart brimming over with love for every soul that it encounters.

I love it. 

I love being poured out for His people.

Yet, I think sometimes we tend to lose sight that when we constantly pour out, we need to be constantly  filled up.

I think- I'm there.

These months have been trying on this heart of mine. I have had to learn the art of discipline and quieting my easily excited and overly talkative children. I have had to push my students to motivate themselves outside of the classroom. I have had to get up out of bed and fight steady bouts of sickness.

But look, we've made it.

80% of my 50 students passed their final written exam with 70 and above.
All will graduate, with one given the chance to retake the course next fall.
26 participated in the oral exam, with a chance to be chosen for the next Dream Team.

We've made it.

So this heart of mine is tired and worn, but extremely proud.

God's taught me a lot about refining and resilience these past months.

He's taught me to keep moving, even when the easiest thing to do is lay down.

I'm not that girl that gives up so easily. 

Sure, I still struggle with the desire to please everyone; it's just as difficult to say no.
Vulnerability doesn't run rampantly, but more so than it has in the past.

Fear is commonplace. Doubts accompany me.

But these things don't own me anymore. 

I have learned to fight the enemy of depression and not let it have a hold on me.
I have learned to keep loving, even when it doesn't come easily.
I have learned that His possibilities for me are endless. 
I just have to step out, apply, get on a plane.

I have to choose joy, instead of laying down.
I have to choose to fight, instead of giving in.

So I'm weary and my heart is heavy,
but home is soon.

And well, I think it's just the balm my soul needs for awhile; until He's ready to bring about something, or someplace else.

This year has had difficulties, but I'm not going to let it sway me from the pursuit of the field.
Mexico has my heart.
It always will.

Reynosa, Vicente Guerrero and Morelia are homes to me.

And perhaps the most beautiful thing of all is- that God's not through with me yet.