speechless revelries

It’s been six months to the day when I went to the Baja, knowing full well that’s where my heart was called. Six months of a battered and bruised heart, rising up and out towards a reawakening. Six months of testing and refining that my heart doesn’t so often, graciously allow, but in hindsight always exits ever so gratefully.

And I’m here, settling into the quaint café-like scene, on-looking the millions of able-bodies, bright-eyed, wearied lovers, faith-driven hearts-that have all come in search of one thing, their home. That place where they are comforted in being known to the spirited gray streaks that spring up overnight in their delicately combed hair, to the emptiness and fresh wounds that still cause the pain to rush up within and take them by surprise, without a care.

I’m in an airport and it feels like home here.

I’m able to sit about and look at these beautiful people walking past dutifully to their gate; I’m able to be reminded of how carefully each and every one of them was chosen to bear the marks of a Maker. I’m reminded that we all, each and every one deserve our indescribable God, our Savior.

I get to compose paragraphs and rhymes, because God me made for this and these times. I get to sit back and look quietly and onward, praying for the souls that are still not heard.

I’m blessed and the blessings overflow, because God made me to love all of these- so that everyone is known.

Love carries me to this place, and it’s what I chase. God has given me a heart that is full to overflowing- and I want everyone to see how loved they are and revel in this knowing.

So whether it’s broken Spanish or my love of the English words falling off my timid tongue, I will live to love, until my time here is done.

I’m returning without trepidation and tears, I’m returning with a perfect love that casts out every last one of my fears. My eyes happened upon that chapter, for a reason, and I’m seeing that now- and that’s what I’m after.

I’m blessed to love and to live. I’m blessed to be spent and freely give. I have words that need to be said, I have paths that need to be tread. So I will love every last one, those that have always known the purest of love and those that have been shunned.

My heart is full and beating steady; I’m awakened, bright-eyed, made for this, I am ready. So take this life of mine, Lord, that You, Yourself created, take this heart of mine and use it to be spent, not a moment lost or wasted.

I was welcomely surprised in the airport by some of my closest friends last night-after such an incredibly swift time through immigration and customs- where to the immigration officer's delight realized I could hold a conversation in Spanish, with ease and wondered what on Earth I needed 180 days for- thinking I need that many days so I can love, the ones He has given me to love. I can't begin to tell you every emotion that was rushing into my heart. It's just that I sat there ever so quietly, just reveling in the sweet voices falling over me, and being embraced in the arms of those I love. Joy left me shaking and speechless and peace washed over me, stilling my soul, knowing this is where I am needed, this is where I am known.